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Psychologists have a term to describe people who are caught up in the Rat Race. The term is obsessive-compulsive. Such people may think they are doing all right in life because they get so much accomplished. But in reality they may be stressed out, critical, and driven by all the things they “ought” to do. They aren’t satisfied with their own performance or that of others. Rarely can they accomplish enough. This mindset leaves them with unfinished projects—partially read books, half-completed tasks—that have gotten set aside. Something else came up that seems a higher priority. The resulting frustration and emotional strain often cause them to crash and take others with them on the way down.
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Take the following quiz to see how your priorities stand. Answer “yes” or “no.”
1. Sometimes little things bother me so much I can’t concentrate on more important things.
2. I only read my Bible in times of crisis.
3. I don’t think prayer has as much power as people say it does.
4. My first priority is earning a living for my family.
5. Church is a good place for my children to get involved, but not for me.
6. I have no need to tell the people closest to me that I love and appreciate them because they already know it.
7. I haven’t sat down with my children this month to tell them how special they are to me.
8. There has been a person who has touched me deeply in the last year, to whom I failed to write a note of encouragement.
9. I will probably have regrets on my deathbed that I didn’t spend more time with my family.
10. I have left a trail of unfinished projects over the last year.
11. I start an exercise or a diet but soon lose interest.
12. I don’t need to tune up my car today; the car’s running just fine.
Have you ever been so busy, so excited about where you’re going, and so consumed with what is on your plate at that moment in time, that you forgot about the destination? Sometimes we are running our own race and the littlest things of life can throw us off stride if we are not focusing on the finish line. Therefore, what every child of God needs, in order to best facilitate their race, is a life map.
We can find three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who have no idea at all what’s happening. The last two types are very frustrating lifestyles. But when a person has a life map, frustration is reduced, James wrote concerning the double-minded man, “That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does” (James 1:7). Divided loyalty and divided focus produce frustration. So what are the basics to finding your life map? I believe there are four steps.
Finding Your Life Map
1. Spend time alone with God. One reason why we find ourselves living life without direction is our busyness. “I’m too busy to stop, too busy to plan … too busy to even read my Bible.” You’re on a plane with no navigator, making record time, but you have no idea where you’re going. We are told, “ ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth’ ” (Psalm 46:10). We have to stop and listen; that may mean turning off the television or computer. You may have to go for a long walk. I do not know what the answer will be for you, but I know it must include time with God or you will attempt to formulate this life map under your own power.
2. Identify and understand your giftedness. In Romans 12:6 we learn that, “we have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.” Notice who gives you these gifts—God. We don’t get to choose, we are not given a menu at the time of our salvation. And genuine fulfillment comes when we can both identify and understand how God has made us. He would never gift you in one way and then lead your life in a totally different direction where you would ignore your giftedness.
When you get to heaven, God is not going to ask you, “Why weren’t you more like Billy Graham?” He’s not going to say, “I wished you had been a better parent like James Dobson.” And He won’t even analyze, “Why weren’t you a greater leader like Moses or Joshua?” He will want to know why you weren’t more like He created you to be, and for which you had the potential to be. But instead you got sidetracked into the Rat Race through apathy, fear, distractions, or any of the number of other of life’s detours.
3. Review your past history and experiences. Do you realize that God will use your circumstance and your problem to help others who are struggling with the same pain? Speaking of God, Paul writes 2 Corinthians 1:4, “[He] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” Even as you read this passage, God probably brought to mind something in your past that He allowed to happen, so that you could use it to help others. Don’t be afraid of your past; use it for God’s glory.
4. Determine your priorities. You will not have time for everything. You think you do, but you don’t. So there will be a definite need to prioritize if you ever plan to discover your life map. You do this by asking yourself, “What should I be doing that is going to have eternal implications?” Jesus gives us the answer in Matthew 6:20, “But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy.”
Apart from Almighty God and His redemptive plan, there are only two things that are going to last forever—God’s Word and God’s people. I must pour myself into learning and growing in my Bible understanding. I must recognize that how I spend my time now may determine where my family, friends, and associates will be spending their eternity. Regardless of your profession, your educational goals, the place where you choose to live, if you are a child of God, your life map will include the Bible and people.
My personal life map is shaped by three distinct desires. First, I desire to be a man of God and to serve Him with a joy and enthusiasm that is contagious to the people around me. Second, I want to raise a godly family, in which Nancy, my wife, feels love and security, and our kids and grandkids sense support and encouragement. Lastly, I choose to invest my life in the ministry. There are many vocations that I have admired and studied, but I’ll never forget what my brother-in-law said to me over two decades ago, “Glen, if God wants you in the ministry and you don’t, you’ll be miserable.” Jack, you were right. So at the end of my life, when I stand before the Lord of Lords, I too will be able to say, ‘I was not disobedient to the vision You gave me.”
O.K. You’re convinced. You’ve decided that you need a life map, but you also may be thinking, I’ve already lived a goodly portion of my life without one. Isn’t it too late now to change? How do I go about it even if I want to? I feel so trapped where I am. I’ve already blown it, haven’t I? Not so! With God all things are possible. He’s just been waiting for you to recognize the need to factor Him into your life. He’s eagerly awaiting your step of turning your life over to Him, and letting His Spirit direct you.
On the journey with you,
Pastor Glen
Some people handle their personal pain by isolating themselves. Others on the fast track use their personal pace as a sedative. They keep so busy that they have no time for other people or to think about their own perceived inadequacies or past failures. They hope that what they accomplish today will offset any weaknesses or past problems.
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Although accomplished in their field, people who fail to heed this warning sign find that the people around them are neglected and anticipating “second best.” Don’t get me wrong, this concept is not gender relative. Husbands and wives both can become “wedded to work.” Men and women can become too busy for their partners and friends. Socializing takes a back seat to the tension to get ahead or just caught up. So how strained are your relationships?
Answer “yes” or “no.”
1. I leave a trail of hurt feelings even though the job gets done.
2. People ignore me because I don’t seem to have enough time for them.
3. I get into arguments over the silliest details.
4. I often open my mouth just long enough to exchange feet.
5. In any given week, I sense tension between myself and at least one other person.
6. I tend to be intolerant with my children, not allowing them to make mistakes.
7. I sometimes say things that I later wish I could take back.
8. At times I feel like I’m “walking on egg shells” with certain people.
9. It is more important for me to be right than to consider another person’s point of view.
10. When I sense a conflict with someone, I will rarely return his or her phone call.
11. I don’t compromise very well.
12. I get my feelings hurt easily.
Our Need for Community
At the core of every person is a deep need for community. Strained relationships are the signs of a life that is headed for or trapped in the Rat Race. Strained relationships build barriers between friends and family. Strained relationships create exclusiveness and individualism. But you were designed by God to desire to be with other people, to need to belong and be accepted by others. But not all relationships are on the same level. That is what community is all about. There are different levels of friendship.
How can you develop community friendships?
1. Challenge yourself and others to grow. Paul wrote the church in Ephesus and told them, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Eph. 4:1). The challenge? Grow into the men and women God wants us to be.
2. Share your confidence in others. Life runs more smoothly when others show confidence in us. Remember how our Lord did this with Peter? “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it” (Matt. 16:18). Peter…a rock? Not the Peter I read about. Peter only opened his mouth long enough to exchange feet. He was impulsive, not an immovable rock. But our Lord’s confidence extended far beyond Peter’s struggles and failings. Our Lord knew that it would be Peter who would deny Him three times. And yet this frail, unimpressive man would be entrusted by the Son of God with a major role in the early Christian church. When you talk with others, see their potential, not just their problem areas. Anticipate something good in their lives and convey your confidence in them.
3. Make encouragement a priority. How Paul needed encouragement from Barnabas, “the Son of Encouragement!” Can you imagine the shattered image Paul must have had of himself when he finally realized the truth about who Jesus is? It was bad enough that he had rejected Jesus, let alone that he had actively sought out believers and brought them to Jerusalem to be mocked, often tortured and then killed. Barnabas took Paul under his wing, introducing him to other believers and sticking up for him when Paul had yet to prove the truth of his changed ways. God alone knows how different church history might have been had Barnabas not been there to encourage Paul to be the leader he was to become.
4. Correct others lovingly. There will be times when you will need to lovingly build up people while correcting them; our Lord did. In Mark 9, Jesus had just come down from the Mount of Transfiguration where Peter, James, and John had seen Jesus in His glorified state. Coming to the base of the mountain, they must have seen the other disciples huddled together and arguing with other people. Evidently the disciples had tried in vain to cast a demon from a boy who was having seizures. Jesus told them to bring the boy to Him and He cast the demon from the boy. When asked by the disciples why they couldn’t drive the demon out, Jesus replied, “ ‘This kind can come out only by prayer’ ” (Mark 9:29). Our Lord confronted their unbelief and dependence on personal achievement and abilities. Jesus turned an embarrassing event into a teachable moment…with loving correction.
5. Accept people the way God has accepted you. God has made many different personality types. Each type responds to situations differently. When we try to change the way God has made people, and try to make them fit the type we are, we can mess things up. Let God be God and you be the human being who makes “every effort to live in peace with all men” (Heb. 12:14).
6. Have more fun. The term “lighten up” is tailor-made for Rat Racers. Friends spend time together doing things that bring them joy. Adding spontaneity and trying to bring joy to someone else are just two of the many ways we can add fun to our relationships.
7. Relax. The statement, “I feel guilty when I relax” had to be coined by a Rat Race participant. Doctors tell us that relaxation is crucial to our well being. God not only instituted a day of rest but modeled it for us. “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done” (Genesis 2:2-3).
8. Be patient with others. The word patience in the New Testament means to have a long fuse. Patience is the ability to see that people, problems, and situations are not always the way you would like them to be, but everything will be all right as you trust in Christ to work all things together for good. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
9. Empathize, don’t criticize. Making allowances for others will become easier if you can learn to put yourself in another’s place. Most of us misunderstand empathy. Some perceive empathy as our ability to carry everyone else’s problems. Others see it as an intense withdrawal from life in search of a more sensitive you. Empathy is merely the ability to put yourself in other person’s shoes, to see the world through their eyes, to genuinely feel what they may be feeling.
10. Repair hurting relationships. People caught in the Rat Race can wreak havoc on the people around them. Their nit-picking, pessimistic attitudes cause much unwarranted stress and pain in their relationships. When one of your relationships is strained, take the initiative to repair it immediately. Talk the problem over with your friend. Seek or give forgiveness where it is needed. Even difficult times can bring growth in ourselves and our relationships.
On the journey with you,
Pastor Glen
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